Why Interracial Dating May Not Be For You

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In her recent book, “Patriotism,” published by the University of Michigan Press, Nationality, Identity, and Age of Partner Relationships, Alena Bolender makes some important recommendations about how to handle age and nationality concerns when dating. Specifically, she recommends that partners who are not of the same nationalities or ethnicities be honest about their intentions from the beginning, and that they do not share too much information about themselves “out of fear or curiosity.” She also suggests that the use of photographs and videos while dating is more appropriate than the blanket statement “we are just friends.” She goes on to advise young singles to consider their motives for being in a relationship, and not just “a friend.” This advice is especially important, she notes, if the relationship advances and there is the possibility of moving into marriage and/or a serious commitment with someone outside of one’s ethnic background or nationality.

Age and Nationality Concerns When dating, “Do not let age or nationality keep you from expressing your love and enthusiasm for another human being; it is important that you be honest about your intentions from the start.” Bolender does not mention what constitutes “nationality” or “age” but it appears that the vast majority of our population falls into one of these categories: African, Caribbean, Middle Eastern, Latin, Caucasian, Jewish, Filipino, South Asian, Chinese, Indian, and American. If you fall into one of these categories, it is important that you realize that your partner does not share your same ethnicity and may have completely different cultural norms. For instance, someone within the Asian bracket may find it offensive if you state that you have Filipino heritage because, in Asian culture, all persons of Asian descent are considered Filipino.

Height And Partner Orientation A common issue with interracial dating is the difference in physical height between two partners. Height is a personal preference and should not be used as a criterion for judging a person’s ethnicity, religion, or political ideology. Height should only come into play if the person is clearly taller than his/her partner. If you are unsure as to whether someone is indeed taller than his/her partner, ask them how much they perceive their height to be. It is best to be safe than sorry when it comes to matters of love and trust.

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