Last week, Caroline Bastos lost her husband to an arranged marriage in Mexico. The couple had been together since she was a young girl, so it was not entirely a surprise that this marriage didn’t last. What was more surprising, however, was the fact that she never thought herself to be a victim of marriage failure, even when her husband made it clear from the start that he considered her nothing more than a good-for-nothing housewife. She was devastated by his apparent rejection of her career choice, which made it abundantly clear to her that he considered her lack of accomplishments in that marriage to be evidence that she was not the woman for him.
According to the way that Nationality Views Personage Systems work, Caroline’s story is representative of the way in which many marriages end up: Nationality Pains a strong hold on a woman who is in the path of a potentially better partner. Because Nationality Pains perceives her as lacking in some key areas of her life, this causes her to be convinced that she is not worth the time or effort of a relationship. In order to break free of this Nationality Pains, it is necessary for the woman in question to take the time and energy to understand just what Nationality Pains means to her. In order to do this, she must first define what her own personal Nationality Pains are: her very own perception of herself and her place in the world.
Being the only woman of stature in her family, Caroline was raised to think of herself as a “coverer” – someone who should make sure her husband’s wishes were carried out, no matter how unreasonable they may seem. In modern terms, Nationality Pains can cause a woman to feel like she is being exploited by her partner, making it difficult for her to see herself as anything other than a professional worker. This kind of pressure can also affect the way in which a woman sees herself in the public eye, as well. If a woman is always working to prove herself to be a valuable employee, then she begins to feel herself lose sight of her true goals for herself and her marriage. In order to get out from under Nationality Pains, a woman may have to re-evaluate her own beliefs about herself and the value she gives to herself and to her marriage.