In this riveting and insightful exploration of how the dynamics of nationality, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and gender play out in intimate relationships, Erika Gasztonyi makes an insightful case for examining the intersections of identity and ethnicity that form the basis of lesbian relationships. Her primary focus centers on the dynamics of being a lesbian and American, while also briefly considering the effects of gender assignment on lesbian identity and expression. In addition to exploring the intersections of identity and ethnicity, the book also critically considers the ways in which lesbian couples may push past the confines of their gender assignment, and how those same constraints can keep them from achieving the kind of freedom they desire.
I honestly had no idea what to expect when reading this book. Like most people who have not studied the psychology of sexual attraction, I had little idea what to make of Gasztony’s theory of substitution. After finishing this book, however, I realized how profoundly meaningful it was. While the notion that one’s sexual identity is shaped by associations with family and kin, as well as their place in society, is common among many sexual minority women, Gasztony provides an original understanding that challenges longstanding understandings of lesbian relationships. Understanding substitution (which refers to the phenomenon in which one sexual partner becomes the primary caregiver for another) enables lesbian couples to make sense of their relationships with one another based not on the dyadic relationship structure typical of heterosexual married couples, but on the shared familial and cultural identity that defines their sexual and romantic relationship.
Although marital rape exists, as well as the ability for one partner to rape another, Gagnonyi presents a comprehensive perspective on the subject that illuminates the complex dimensions of sexual identity, especially between lesbians. While I often express my discomfort with the sexual abuse perpetrated against lesbians and bisexual women in prisons, Gagnonyi shows that the prevalence of such abuse does not correlate with societal attitudes toward lesbianism. Instead, she points out that a sense of cultural distance seems to exist that excuses lesbian sexual relationships from the legal scrutiny directed at straight married couples. In addition, as I have written elsewhere, the social construction of lesbian relationships supports the view that sexual partners should be treated as “partners,” not as “spouses.” While I agree that gay and lesbian relationships are frequently subjected to prejudice and hostility in society, I do not believe that their sexuality is inherently contradictory to a commitment to gender equality.