Erika Lang has written a very interesting and thought-provoking book in “How I Became My Partner.” She talks about her own identity issues, and how those same identity issues can also be problematic to those of Asian descent who are trying to find their place and nationality in the United States. Her story is a little different than most when it comes to race and ethnicity. She is Chinese, which would make her quite “proper” to be an American-American. However, by nationality and cultural standards, she has always been considered American. By her admission, however, that is not necessarily true.
The author does not explain how she came to this particular conclusion (I’m assuming from the title), but what I can surmise is that Lang was seeking a meaning in life that goes beyond what her own racial group might offer. She wants to find a sense of belonging and identity that is not tied to where you were born, but to a bigger and grander concept of family and community. At the time, Lang wanted to overcome feelings of guilt and shame for her heritage, which she feels prevents her from fully experiencing the advantages of her heritage. In a way, she identifies with those who feel like they cannot fully belong to America because of the racial boundaries drawn. For Lang, that sense of identity is stronger and deeper than the racial lines that separate us.
The book ends by briefly considering why some Asian women choose to date outside of their race, as well as how American women can benefit from interracial dating. It is a good short read and provides insight into how a person can come to terms with their nationality and still maintain a sense of pride and identity. For those of us who are struggling with identity issues, it can be comforting to hear that someone has walked the path before us. “How I Became My Partner” will give hope to those who are struggling with these questions and can help to open up a path of healing for those who might be questioning their identity, too.